Q. What is Irish diplomacy?
A. It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to making the trip!!

Q. What is Irish and stays out all night ?
A. Patty O'Furniture

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Wexford farmer. The Texan says : "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other." The Wexford farmer says:"Ah sure, I know, sir. We still have the odd tractor like that over here too."

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Englishman once stowed away on a ship. Suddenly they heard footsteps. It was the captain of the boat. So the three men jumped into three sacks. The captain kicked the first sack. "Ouch!" said Paddy Scotsman, and he was caught. The captain kicked the second sack. "Ouch!" said Paddy Englishman and he was caught. The captain kicked the third sack "Spuds!" said Paddy Irishman, and the captain walked away!!!!!! (Shona Hayes)

An American tourist was driving in County Wexford, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburettor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburettor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Redmond the bartender what the horse had said to him. Redmond said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Anne Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.